Day 25: Never have I ever... juice fasted

Spring cleaning is a great feeling. Out with the old, in with the new. I decided that this year, I need a slightly bigger refresh than cleaning out the closet and dusting behind the couch. The long winter made me feel downright sluggish, like, on a cellular level. So I decided to try a juice cleanse (a.k.a. a juice fast), which is rumored to be a detoxifying wonder.  I have wanted to test it out for a while now. 

Background: Fasting is a practice that almost every major world religion incorporates in some way or another. Jews fast on Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av. Catholics offer the symbolic fast for Lent. Hindus fast on certain days of the month or week, and Ghandi utilized fasting as expression of "suffering love" in modern Hinduism. Fasting is the Third Pillar of Islam, and requires Muslims to fast from sun up to sundown for the entire month of Ramadan. The Bahá'í faith also incorporates a month of daylight fasting (Àla'). The only notable exception is Buddhism, which only encourages the day's meals fall between sunrise and noon, but doesn't call it fasting, it's just considered the most optimal time to fuel up. Holistic healers and nutritionists have long been advocating fasts of varying degrees for all sorts of ailments and cleansing effects. And fasting has many symbols and practicalities in both religious and modern life: Repentance, remembrance of suffering, simplicity, renewal, cleansing. No matter how you look at it, humans have been exploring the concept and effects of fasting for thousands of years. Having never even so much as skipped lunch, I'm a bit curious. And people who swear by it, they really swear by it.

My approach: I looked into the Master Cleanse and two pre-packaged juice cleanses, one called Blueprint Cleanse and one called Cooler Cleanse. The Master cleanse is just too intense for me right now, at 4-5 days of nothing by water with fresh lemon, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. Ummm, I'm just not there yet. BluePrint Cleanse and Cooler Cleanse are 2-5 day programs of pre-packaged fresh juices made in NYC and delivered right to your door, to the tune of $60 a day. Thought tempting for the convenience factor... $60 a day to not eat? You've got to be kidding me. But, I don't own a juicer. Luckily, thanks to the fact that I live near plenty of health food stores and juice bars, I just decided to do my own thang. (I pretty much used the same juice combos found in the Cooler Cleanse, which looked the best to me.) 

Preparation: Before a juice cleanse, one is supposed to "eat clean" and rest up for the days preceding the detox. No refined carbs, no meat, no sugar, no alcohol, lots of a fruits and veggies. You know, how we should eat all the time, anyway. Yeaaahhhh. I didn't do that. On Friday, I went out to a deliciously decadent Italian meal, had far too many drinks, and went to bed at 3am. On Saturday, I had a near-squeaky clean breakfast and lunch, and then thanks to a packed day of family visits, I ended up eating a Whopper Junior at 5PM on the road with my nephews (ewwww, I know) and then two squares of L&B red-pie sicilian pizza at 9PM. Nutritious. 

Day 1: Sunday. I set out to do a two day cleanse. (Baby steps.) I woke up, and guzzled some water to start the day. For "brunch" at around noon, I headed to the local organic restaurant and ordered the Energy Rocket: 16 ounces of the juice of fresh greens, celery, apples and a shot of wheat grass. A tall glass of bright green liquid arrived, and it tasted grassy and a little sweet. But this bevy ain't a chugger. The strongly verdant flavor requires that one sip the juice very slowly, which is exactly what all juice fast blogs suggest anyway. Even with my patient consumption, I had the distinct feeling of "swimmy stomach" after the meal, and definitely wasn't feeling my best... a little nauseous, tired, drained. My body wanted more nutrition. I denied the pangs, and came home to rest until my only mandatory obligation of the day, a three-hour long Treble business meeting. I was not looking forward to that tedium on an empty stomach, and was feeling cranky. The blogs also told me the first day was the hardest. I can understand why. 

On my way to the subway at 3PM, I stopped at the local health market Pelandra, which also has a juice bar, and ordered the Brooklyn Sunrise: beet, carrot and orange juice with fresh ginger, but I subbed in apple for orange because I read that avoiding the acidic juices was best. This juice was delicious but thick and foamy, and again, required slow sipping. At the health food I also bought some raw organic cashews. I read that a very small quantity of nuts on the first day can really help if you're in a downward spiral. I wasn't hungry at all through the business meeting, and stayed in a relatively good mood, though I did have to endure watching the other ladies munch on Crumbs cupcakes, peanut M&Ms (my favorite), chips, pretzels and who knows what else. I couldn't even look. I drank my juice and chomped three nuts to make it through. Will power, will power, will power. 

After the meeting, some of the girls were going out for drinks. I wanted to go! I agreed to join with my large canister of lemon water, just to be social. On the way there, I said "maybe I'll just say 'fuck it' and stop this stupid fast and get a beer!" I was dangerously close to quitting. Though my friends were highly supportive of this option, I decided to reward myself with a little self discipline, turned around, and hit the 5 train home. 

When I did get home, I was starving. I mean, I really wanted food. And the entire apartment building smelled like fried chicken. I was quickly back to wrestling with my inner quitter, but instead, I headed back to Siggy's for my last juice of the day. The wafting aromas of Fascati's pizza next door to Siggy's was just plain...cruel. I went in and ordered a carrot, celery, cucumber juice, with one apple and one beet for sweetness. This time I got to watch the juice guy make the juice, and I was happy to see an entire bucket of veggies going into the machine to produce my little cup of liquid. Like seriously, a mop-the-kitchen-floor-sized-bucket. Hello, nutrition. I finished my juice feeling OK; the hunger subsided. As per fasting instructions, I downed two tablespoons of olive oil just before bed, and said buh-bye to Day 1. I made it. 

Except............... Day 1 didn't want to end so quickly. It was going down fighting. I had no luck falling asleep; I was hungry, and my body knew it. There was no food coma to lull me into sweet slumber. I tossed and turned...and thought about all the children who go to bed hungry most nights...and how hard it must be for them to go to school the next day tired... and how I really need to do something more to help....and maybe I could get a job working for the Food Bank of New York City.... I hear they are a really great organization... and doesn't that celebrity chef Madison Cowan work with them? My mind raced. And my stomach made strange, low grumbles. At some point, one or both of them gave up, and I slept. But not soundly. 

Day 2: I woke up in fitful starts in the early morning. I felt headachy. Blegh. I was able to go back to sleep for a bit, and then finally got up to begin my quest for today's big juice feat: Homemade almond milk. I looked for it in stores and juice bars, but it's impossible to find fresh almond milk. The pre-packaged brands all have preservatives of some kind, and that seems to go against the very idea of this two day torture-fest. So I bought a big bag of organic raw almonds, and soaked them overnight. In the morning, they were squishy, fleshy teardrops, and the skins popped off with ease. After shelling almonds for 30 solid minutes, I put 1.5 cups of naked nuts in the blender and covered with purified water. I pulsed until they were chopped, and then beat until they were blended evenly. I added in more water, some cinnamon and honey, and blended until the liquid was creamy, frothy, and thick. Next, I strained the liquid through cheesecloth and squeezed all the milk out in batches, leaving only the dry almond pulp behind. The milk was now crisp, nutty and delicious, and I enjoyed 16 ounces of homemade almond milk for my first drink of the day. Delicious. No preservatives. 

This "juice" was far more nutritious and held off the hunger like whoa. I was fine until the afternoon, when I had to go teach a music class in the afternoon. At 3PM, I downed the next juice of the day, a fresh coconut water. It was very sweet and left a weird taste in my mouth. But it felt nourishing and hydrating at the same time. 

Throughout Day 2, I can sum up how I felt in one word: stupid. As promised, Day 2 of the juice cleanse was much easier than Day 1 in terms of overall energy and food cravings, but my brain was simply not functioning properly. When I typed, I was mixing up words like 'their' and 'there', 'you're' and 'your', and making other completely idiotic pet-peeve grammatical mistakes. In class, I was having trouble with musical rhythms. My short-term memory was foggy. I left my phone at home by accident, and I parked my car on the street and forgot to check the parking regulations. Where was my head at? 

I came home feeling uninspired about the juice fast. My body didn't feel any different, but my mind sure did, and I didn't like it. Considering a job interview was scheduled for the next day, I started worrying about whether I'd sleep OK, and how quickly would my brain refuel itself? And at dinnertime, I got really hungry again. So, I decided that 46 hours without food was quite enough, and I got a healthy dinner of a spinach & strawberry salad, and filet of sole with asparagus and leeks. Food tasted so good. You are supposed to break a fast, even a short one with just a small amount of food, but I just went for the full meal. I read that after even a short fast, your body will feel sluggish and heavy after your first meal... and that's exactly how I felt. Like I just needed to lay down. But I definitely slept much better after a real dinner!

Status: I feel pretty lame that I almost made it two whole days and then gave up at the tail end of the fast, when all I had to do was suck down one more juice and go to bed early. But I can't say I was mega-impressed with the juice fast results anyway. I mean, sure, it took will power. And that felt good. And I did feel "lighter", that's undeniable. But the experience wasn't transformative at all. Something tells me I'd need at least 3 full days, if not more, and with a lot more self discipline to get any palpable sense of detox. 

Results: FAIL. But I tried. 

Side note: People have really strong reactions when you say you're juice fasting. Most people said "That's stupid, stop that,"or "Seriously?? WHY?!?!" Though a handful of folks were curious, and had considered the process themselves. If you're considering it, I suggest trying a short fast, and making sure that you're either not working over a weekend or long weekend. Clear your social schedule because you won't feel much like going out. And definitely don't drink the olive oil. It did nothing, except make me want to vom.